- Most of what you think you have to do right now, you don't. The body needs to be pronounced; beyond that almost nothing is urgent in the first hour.
- In the first 24 hours: the body is moved, immediate family is called (not texted), you start a list of accounts, and you eat and sleep. You do not call the bank, close accounts, pay bills, or post on social media.
- Days two and three: choose a service style, order 10 to 15 certified death certificates, locate the will, delegate the wider notifications, and start a notebook.
- The funeral does not have to happen within a week, the most expensive option is not the most respectful, and the obituary has no clock.
- Anyone pushing you to talk to a lawyer, decide about the house, or act on the estate in the first 72 hours can be told no. Not later. Now.
If you are reading this in the first hours after your parent has died, here is what is true: most of what you think you have to do right now, you don't.
What follows is what genuinely needs attention in the first 72 hours. Not what an estate attorney's checklist says. Not what your great-aunt's well-meaning email says. What actually matters.
You can move through it as you have the capacity. There is room for breath.
The first hour
The body needs to be pronounced. Beyond that, almost nothing is urgent.
If your parent died in a hospital, clinical staff is already handling the immediate paperwork. You do not need to do anything administrative right now. You can sit with them. You can ask for time. You can refuse to be hurried.
If your parent died at home, the answer depends on whether the death was expected. If they were on hospice, call the hospice number — they will guide you through the next steps and they will come. If the death was unexpected, call 911. In neither case do you need to call anyone else first.
If your parent died elsewhere — a care facility, a hospital that wasn't where they were being treated — staff there will lead.
In all cases, the funeral home does not need to be called within the first hour. You have time to choose. If your parent had a preference or a pre-arranged plan, that's where to start. If not, ask your hospice nurse, the hospital social worker, or one trusted person — not the entire family — for a recommendation. Do not let urgency drive you to the first option.
What you should do in this hour, if you can: be there. Notify only the people who need to know in the next sixty minutes — usually a sibling, sometimes a partner, sometimes one trusted friend. Let the rest wait until you have your footing.
The first 24 hours
Here is what needs to happen in the first day.
The body is moved. Once the funeral home is chosen, they will coordinate this. You do not need to be present. Immediate family is notified. Calls, not texts. If you cannot make all the calls yourself, designate one person to make them on your behalf. Most people will not mind hearing the news from someone else. What they will mind is hearing it from social media. You make a list. Not a to-do list. A list of accounts. Bank accounts. Insurance policies. Investment accounts. Where the will is kept, if you know. Login credentials, if you have them. This list will keep growing for months. Don't try to finish it. Just start it. You eat. You sleep, if you can. You drink water. This is not advice. It is part of the work. The grief response is also a body response. Your body will be conserving everything for a while. Help it along where you can. You do not call the bank. You do not close any accounts. You do not pay any bills in your parent's name. You do not cancel any subscriptions. You do not talk to a financial advisor, a real estate agent, or anyone who is going to ask you to make a decision. Several may reach out. Politely defer. You do not make announcements on social media. Not yet. You do not know who you have not yet told personally, and an algorithm should not break the news to a close friend.Days two and three
The funeral or memorial planning starts here. Most of what people will tell you is wrong.
The first wrong thing they will tell you: that you have to decide quickly. Most funeral homes can hold a body for several days, sometimes longer with the right preparation. There is no rule that the service must happen within a week. If your family needs another five days to gather, plan for that.
The second wrong thing: that the most expensive option is the most respectful. Funeral costs are deeply elastic, and the industry is structured to make grief expensive. A simple, honest service is not less honoring than a costly one. Often it is more so.
The third wrong thing: that the obituary needs to be in the paper by tomorrow. The obituary can wait until you are ready to write it, or can be drafted by someone else and edited by you. There is no clock.
What you do need to do in this window:
- Choose a service style. Burial, cremation, immediate memorial, deferred memorial. There is no wrong answer. There is only the answer that fits this person, this family.
- Order 10 to 15 certified copies of the death certificate. The funeral home will help. You will need them for almost every administrative task in the months ahead. Better to have extras than to wait two weeks for more.
- Locate the will. If you don't know where it is, the executor may. If you can't find it, an attorney can help search probate filings. Don't panic; this is solvable.
- Notify the wider circle. Friends, distant family, colleagues. This can be delegated. Make a list, divide it, and give specific people specific calls to make. Most of them will be grateful for something to do.
- Start a notebook. Phone calls received, decisions made, names of professionals you've spoken with. The next year will be administrative; this notebook will save you ten times its weight.
What is not urgent
You do not need to:
- Talk to a lawyer in the first 72 hours (probate filing is days or weeks away, not hours)
- File a tax return for your parent (you have until April of the following year)
- Make decisions about the house (months, not days)
- Decide what to do with possessions (no)
- Notify Social Security (often the funeral home does this; if not, days, not hours)
- Cancel credit cards, subscriptions, or accounts (weeks)
- Update your own estate plan (months)
- Make any decisions you would regret if you could think clearly
If anyone — a financial advisor, a real estate professional, a family member — is pushing you to act on any of the above in the first 72 hours, you are allowed to say no. Not later. Now.
A note about how this feels
The first 72 hours after a parent dies do not feel like real time. The minutes are slow and the hours are long, but somehow when you look up, an entire day has passed without anything happening. People you barely remember will say things they think are helpful. People who should know what to say will say nothing. You will hold it together at moments you didn't expect to, and fall apart at moments you didn't see coming.
All of this is normal. None of it is failure.
If someone you trust offers to come over, let them. If they offer to make a call, let them. If they offer food, accept it. The instinct to protect everyone else from this — to be the strong one — is one of the most expensive instincts you can follow. Lean on the people who know how to be useful. Let go of the ones who don't.
In 30 days, very little of what feels like a crisis right now will still feel like one. In 90 days, you will be in a different place — still inside the loss, but with the picture beginning to form.
For now: you have done the most important thing already. You showed up. The rest will keep.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What do I need to do immediately after a parent dies?
Very little. If they died in a hospital, staff handle the immediate paperwork; if at home on hospice, call the hospice number; if unexpectedly at home, call 911. The funeral home does not need to be called within the first hour. Notify only the people who need to know in the next sixty minutes, and be there.
Do I need to call the bank or a lawyer right after a parent dies?
No. In the first 24 hours you do not call the bank, close accounts, pay bills in your parent's name, cancel subscriptions, or talk to a financial advisor or real estate agent. Probate filing is days or weeks away, the final tax return isn't due until April of the following year, and decisions about the house are months away.
How many copies of a death certificate do I need?
Order 10 to 15 certified copies in the first two or three days — the funeral home will help. You will need one for almost every administrative task in the months ahead, and it is better to have extras than to wait two weeks for more.
How soon does the funeral have to happen?
There is no rule that the service must happen within a week. Most funeral homes can hold a body for several days, sometimes longer. If your family needs another five days to gather, plan for that — and a simple, honest service is not less honoring than a costly one.
References & Notes
- Companion reading: The first-year administrative checklist (parental loss) — picks up where the first 72 hours end. General information, not legal or financial advice.